I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I will die if light touches me.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
