Plan B is the new Plan A
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
