I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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