Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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