I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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