Your favorite bartender is back from prision
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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