I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
