Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
