I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
