Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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