Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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