you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
