Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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