You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
