Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize