i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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