the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
