can u get pink eye on your cock?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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