wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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