I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
