like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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