I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
