420 ftw
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
