Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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