final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
