So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
