We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
