That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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