Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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