we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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