i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
