I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she peed on how many people?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
