She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
