I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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