I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize