Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
