Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
