and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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