Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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