i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
