who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My nipple is on Facebook.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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