dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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