Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
