he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
