i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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