Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
