I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
