lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
