She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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