i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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