does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize