I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
