The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
