your thong is hanging out like whoa
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
