hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
