WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
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