You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
