The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
