pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize