It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
