I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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