Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
