They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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