the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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