I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
