I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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