Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
