You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
