Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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