You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just cropdusted the office
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
