I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
