i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
