I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
