Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
