this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just had sex on a roof
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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