I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
