Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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