He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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