remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
