Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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